i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
