I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
