I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
