Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
