i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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