I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
