I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
