I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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