if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I came so hard my ears popped.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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