And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
