He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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