he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
