Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
