I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
nutella sex= disaster
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
