I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
