mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
