He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
