Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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