The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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