What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
