i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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