And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
