i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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