Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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