I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
