I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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