The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
