can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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