he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
