Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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