he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
