i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
