we have pet lesbian snakes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
