In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
