get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
