i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
