Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
