Sponge bath it is.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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