I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
