Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
