Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
