does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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