You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
