p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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