so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
