He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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