God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
