tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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