Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
