ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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